SIFF 2015

Melissa McCarthy’s not in the building. Photo credit: Larry Horricks

Holy mother of puss!

ATTENTION! ATTENTION! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! Dan Savage’s new sitcom trailer has been released!

Move toward the exits. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

Watch it! Quick!

And all I can say about it is two things…

Thing the first: Martha Plimpton is the MOM? OMG OMG OMG!

Thing the second: Christ on his throne, Dan’s gonna be RICH. Er. Richer.

Much richer.

What do you think? Gonna watch it?

In other things: So tonight is the much anticipated Opening Night of the ever-glamorous and rather sprawling Seattle International Film Festival!

The Opening Night film seems what they call a madcap romp (kill me) starring the incomparable superstar Melissa McCarthy as a budding CIA agent!

She’s not going to be there. Sorry, Charlie.

I’ve made a decision! I’m skipping it. Opening night is always such a high-maintenance fuss — dry cleaning! Hair cut! Egg white and fresh semen face mask! (Now you know my secret…shhh…) Order the damn town car, prepare questions for the beautiful celebrities, hurry from work to the Seattle Center through rush hour traffic! And I’ve a brand new policy: unless the big talent is going to rear its head, it’s more emotionally exhausting than fun.

I mean, I’ve already met Tom Skeritt and the damn mayor.

And another thing! The new-ish SIFF theater where they show the film is fine — but the party space is like Key Arena — a huge cement warehouse, and everyone kind of wanders around from vendor to vendor, searching for a corner of warmth and comfort.

It was ever-so fun in the long ago times when they’d keep the location of the party a secret until after the show, and the parties were ALWAYS super fun… they’d announce the party location (a big secret!) at the closing of the film and everyone ambled glamorously over to it to dance the night away and bask in the glittery magic of it all! But this huge warehouse of cement is like a prom in Kentucky.

But don’t you worry your little head: I’m merely choosing to take a more thoughtful, strategic course to SIFF 2015. I’m picking my battles, and anything good and gay (and there’s plenty), I’ll be there and you’ll hear all about it. I promise.

But tonight? I’m going to relax, get started on my facial (shhh), and live to fight another day.