Perhaps you have noticed, I’ve taken something of a small… well, let’s not call it a sabbatical, let’s call it a well-deserved vacation, from reporting on Seattle gay nightlife in the last few weeks. And you’re quite right, as usual. (But please, dear friends, for the love of all that is good and unholy, kindly restrain yourselves from asking me, “what the hell’s going on at The Stranger, anyhow?”, because the answer to that question is long and terrible and fraught with dark conjectures and complex lies AND I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. Thanking you in advance… )
So, of course it seems as if it’s been ages since we’ve talked with/to/about our friend, Kevin Kauer, the Dark Prince of Parties, the Hairy Maven of all things Queer and Nightlifey.
There’s been a rather good deal of fussing about the alleged “death of Seattle gay nightlife” recently, for obvious, fussy reasons. Whether this is true or not (I vote, “not”, with a resounding sense of cautious optimism), our dear Mr. Kauer is and has been, the grease, the extra spicy dipping sauce, the high-octane jet fuel which has lubed and driven the mad cogs of our drunken orgy lifestyle since at least 2009.
Kevin first appeared on my radar during the same Trannyshack performance (don’t worry, they’ve since changed the name) that introduced the world to Jinkx Monsoon (quite propitious indeed), back when Seattle was teetering on the brink of a Gay Nightlife Renaissance.
In 2010, I wrote:
“But just last year it appeared: a glimmer of light. And that glimmer grew into a new dawn for gay nightlife, finally melting the frost from our shivering bones and giving us something we haven’t experienced for ages: New faces! New ideas! New new places! New old places! New drag queens! New live performers! A fresh and deeply improved gay nightscene has erupted from the corpse of the old, and it is spilling over into the streets! People are costuming themselves, not dressing. Hordes of migrating fabulousness roam the night! A sense of celebration and sexy is everywhere. And it is embracing all of Capitol Hill and beyond…”
See? I was basically talking about the radioactive influence of Mr. Kauer, whose impetus continues to seem indefatigable. He’s taken his signature events to New York, San Francisco, even Lake Washington (those crazy yacht parties, I’m telling you…), and I personally credit him with saving our beloved old Eagle from the clutches of condo hell. He’s brought international-class talent to town in the form of DJs and drag queens, artists, musicians, and freaks, and now in addition to his more standard standbys, like Dickslap, he has been busy brewing up a new event that promises to be the Next Big Thing.
Kauer’s new event is called, “Into?” (as in, you know, sex app speak: “Sup? Into?” So naughty!), and Kevin excitedly assures us, “Oh man, it’s sizing up to be pretty major!”
“It’s at Neumos at the end of this month. It’s Seattle’s first art-fag-drag ball of this size. We’re building a runway down Neumos for it, giving away $1,000 to the winner.”
“We will have four categories in which to compete, with contestants from Seattle, Vancouver, and Portland!”
For all you eager-to-be-the-next-drag-star queens (and I know there are millions of you—where the hell are you all coming from?), the categories are as follows (hurry, there are only a few left available!):
BDSFEMME (CATEGORY FILLED—SORRY!)
Goddess in leather and lace. She’s your Venus, your fire, your desire, and she wants you to get down on your fucking knees and beg.
WHAT DADDY WANTS
Do you know what daddy wants? Are you good or are you bad? Trophy brides? Pool boys? Lolitas? Little baby Brats? Sling slaves? Work to earn those straight A’s and don’t get grounded.
BEST IN SHOW
Who said you couldn’t put lipstick on a pig? Show your judges some petting zoo realness! Are those spikes or diamonds on your collar? Groomed or wild? You been a good pup? Jane Lynch is your handler and you better behave!
BUT WHAT IS IT? (CATEGORY FILLED—SORRY!)
Everyone is a critic but you might be a masterpiece! the main question is, what in the actual fuck are you? Make your judges wonder who, what, when, where, why and how?! Choose your own adventure. Make it cute/disgusting/insane.
As per his usual magic formula, Kevin is importing some talented people whose name’s you will recognize—most importantly (if you ask me, and you do), one of the hottest lady-dudes ever to spring forth from the milky teet of RuPaul’s Drag Race, Milk Queen.
“Milk is guest judging,” Kevin tells us, and MikeQ (Queen Beat, New Jersey) is DJ-ing.”
There will also be appearances by Seattle’s premier shock queens, Amoania (the event’s co-organizer, representing House of Cathedral) and Cucci Binaca (they’ll be judging with Milk) and a cavalcade of other off-color characters to frighten and delight. (And thank god the gays are reclaiming old Neumos—that’s sacred homo burying ground right there, and it’s time to take it back in the name of unbridled faggotry!)
“It’s all lightly kink themed,” Kevin teases (oooh!), “And is basically starting to look like a Mortal Kombat tournament for faggots!”
The unholy event shall be born on Saturday, November 28, just in time to cleanse your pallet from all of that unsavory Thanksgiving nonsense. Ticket information is available HERE.