“You claim you still care for me
But your heart and soul needs to be free
Now that you’ve got your freedom
You wanna still hold on to me
You don’t want me for yourself
So let me find somebody else”
-You Keep Me Hangin’ On, The Supremes
It’s called “stringing you along”. It’s being in that extremely uncomfortable, pseudo-romantic situation that leaves you constantly feeling as if your relationship is built on sand, not sound and stable rock. You hang on for dear life, desperate for any sign that your partner really cares. He doles them out, and then snatches them back just when you’re starting to relax, thinking everything will be alright between you. You may want to leave, but you’ve already invested so much time and emotion and energy, it’s next to impossible. Because, there’s always that little voice whispering in your ear: Maybe… maybe they really love me.
That’s what’s been on the mind of this week’s reader, who asked: I have been seeing someone for about 3 years now. Will this person admit they have feelings for me and stop denying that they don’t?
Reader, your quandary is one of those that doesn’t lend itself to easy answers or easy solutions. However, the Tarot can give you some things to consider that might make it easier for you to focus on what the healthiest solution for you might be. To that end, I tweaked a three card spread to help provide the answer to your question.
Let’s see what the cards say, shall we?
Card 1: Your Situation: 5 of Pentacles, reversed
It’s never enough. There’s always something lacking. Learning to ask for what you need.
This card describes how your current situation affects you, your feelings, your perceptions, and how you handle the energy of it.
When the 5 of Pentacles, reversed comes up in a romance spread, you can bet that there’s a sense of never getting enough attention, never getting enough time, never feeling enough love in a relationship. Reassurances ring hollow, and nothing they say brings the comfort you seek. You ask them to be more giving, and you either get excuses, or meaningless platitudes. On the other hand, you may relentlessly focus on what you have with your partner, in an effort to make it all seem worthwhile. Neither situation helps your feet of insecurity. Listen to what they’re actually saying, and make your decisions based on that.
Card 2, Reality Check: The Hierophant, reversed
Unconventional relationships. Rebellion. Breaking out of a rut. Refusal to use labels to define a relationship, like exclusive, partner, etc. Balking at formalizing a relationship. Doesn’t want to get married. Acting counter to “the rules”. Culture clash.
You know how sometimes it’s like pulling teeth to get that special someone to use labels to describe your relationship? “Why do we need labels,” they ask. “It’ll ruin everything,” they complain. These are the folks who say they want an open relationship, or they may even say that they are polyamorous, though they really don’t have a clue about what that means, since they seem to be allergic to negotiating the parameters of the relationship. Long-distance relationships that mainly exist online and via text messages also fall under this card in its reversed aspect.
Chances are, this is the relationship dynamic you’re dealing with, when all you want is for them to acknowledge that there’s actually a relationship to commit to! It could be very frustrating. And infuriating. Meanwhile, you keep waiting. And waiting.
It may be necessary for you to break out of this rut by voicing your concerns and hold this person’s feet to the fire until you get a yay or nay! You have to do something to break the holding pattern you’re in. Otherwise, your relationship could be in this state of limbo forever!
Card 3, Answer to your question: King of Cups, reversed
Workaholic/Playaholic. Not the most grounded person on the planet. Afraid of commitment. Tells you what you want to hear to avoid conflict. Overly sensitive, except when it comes to your needs. These folks often have had issues with moderation. A tendency to be inconsistent. Says one thing, does another.
Reader, my heart goes out to you. You’re dealing with one of those people who really, really doesn’t want to make a commitment to anyone at this time. So, you have a decision to make. You can live with the status quo, or you can decide to find a partner who wants to build a life together with you.
Card 4, Advice: 4 of Pentacles
Holding on too tightly to your partner. Inability to let go. Or, your partner keeps you in stasis.
It’s time to release the person you’re seeing so you can make room for the right person! The right love will come to you, if only you let it. Don’t settle for sadness and pain, when the universe waits to bring you the joy you deserve.
Brightest blessings to you, Reader!
Submit your question to Raven now using the form here. Each week, Raven will choose a question and perform a personal Tarot card reading, offering her advice, insight, and wisdom based on what the cards say.