by Adrian Ryan
Far be it from me to indulge in feckless gossip, spread dreadful rumors, or start an unnecessary panic or anything (shut up), but have you heard? About The Cuff?
To wit: The Cuff—that trusty/rusty old stalwart hub of gay Seattle, home to leather bears, creeping scene-sters, gearheads and tea dancing tea dancers alike—has been thoroughly purchased. PURCHASED! Bought out! Pawned off! Picked up! Like, a long time ago now, apparently.
Now, if you feel like your veins have just filled with ice water and/or someone just pushed you down an elevator shaft to hell, GOOD. It’s completely appropriate. All of us are more than aware of what happens to buildings that get purchased by outsiders on Capitol Hill—it’s all goodbye some beloved thing, hello fucking Office Max.
And do you know what I get when I ask anybody about the plans and/or future of the place? Crickets! That’s what! Mum is the word, and frankly, I just don’t understand all the reticence just to tell us what’s going on. If I’m going to be drinking Bud and giving beard rubs or buying office products at competitive warehouse prices, I really think I have the right to know. (Anybody who breaks the silence and gives me the low-down skinny will get a free beard rub and a ream of printer paper, I promise.)
Anyhooters. If you sadly missed the allegedly ONCE IN A LIFETIME chance to shake the space-paw of real life gay superhero George Takei when he was grand marshalling Seattle’s Gay Pride Parade last year, GOOD, dammit. That means you will be extra twitterpated to do it TOMORROW (Friday!) when the smiley little muffin returns to our emerald shores to cut the ribbon at the EMP’s new sci-fi (syfy?) exhibit, Infinite Worlds.
The EMPers are making a big to-do about the whole thing (naturally), it starts at 8, and it costs $25, so if you are too poor/cheap or just don’t wanna make the trek to Seattle Center, keep in mind that he’s probably staying with Dan Savage again, so if you want to do some quality stalking, hit me up and I’ll give you Dan’s private home address. He won’t mind. Really.
I wonder why Seattle never asks Dan to marshal the parade, anyhow? A mystery…
In more Takei-ish news: did you hear that he has officially called a boycott of Indiana? Like, the ENTIRE state? Because of some “religious freedom” law they just passed or something? Pardon me, but HOW SILLY! Religious freedom is very important—crucial to our thriving democracy!–and I for one simply cannot WAIT to spend my summer vacation in Indiana, joyfully chopping off the heads of Christian’s in the name of Khali Ma the Destroyer because RELIGION!
Man, that’ll be awesome.
And speaking of gay spacemen: the remarkably gay Captain Jack Harkness from Dr. Who/Torchwood that always looks like he’s wearing guyliner (and who eventually gives us all the biggest head in the universe, har-dee-har-har) will also be in town this weekend, and you can rub elbows, knees, and whatever else you got goin’ on with him at the Sheraton on Saturday IF you have $100 (and UP!) in your pocket that ain’t workin’ too hard. But if you do, then you really had no business bitching about George Takei’s modest cover charge a minute ago. Now did you?