NSFW: Birds, Bees, And Educated Fleas

If Cole Porter were alive and writing today, his educated fleas would be mainlining online porn.

And that’s why birds do it, bees do it.
Even educated fleas do it.
Let’s do it, let’s fall in love.
– Cole Porter, 1928

That was some clever-ass songwriting nearly a century ago, using the excuse to “fall in love” as cover for the real goal of fucking. (Cole, I lurv you so much.)

But his cheeky, sly subtlety is now an artifact for the ages. Subtlety? Jerry and David’s Guide to the World Wide Web snapped that like a twig 65 years later when it hit the scene in the 90’s, giving us the ability to skip the subtext and go straight for the cum-drenched entrée. Um, and that’s a metaphor. Not literally an entrée overflowing with ejaculate. Unless that’s what you were really after.

What I mean is: THERE IS NO POLITE COMPANY NOW.

You like [insert fetish here]? OK, no need to pussyfoot around. Go online. THERE. IT. IS.

Tapping an app gives me more spank-bank material than ever before. EVER. Those underwear ads I relied on in high school from The Dallas Morning News? Those were my educated fleas. Very educated. And very tame.

Today? Well, you know… PornHub, Xtube, other free porn aggregator sites that aren’t PornHub (did I mention them already?). But my fave is that bastion of Yahoo! democracy: Tumblr.

Whoa.

It’s all there. What are you into? Tell me again? Oh yeah, there it is. Furries? Check. Diapers? Check. Puppies? Check.

Me? Seeing dudes kissing turns my crank. So I channeled my Tumblr energies into this. (Oh, and this, but that’s far more explicit and much less kissy, FYI.)

AND ANYONE CAN DO THIS. Larry Flynt, I am you.

Closeted-teenager-me never imagined that I’d one day have a couple of porn-focused Tumblr blogs. But I skim through all of this gay sodomite photography anyway. What’s the harm in setting up a scrapbook of things I might want to see again later?

I’m not shy about what I like, and now others can take a peek into my sexual psyche.

It’s a gas revisiting Tumblr to sift through clues about my interests. It’s like porn Tarot. I don’t think I have a type. But Tumblr calls bullshit on that.

And that’s why sites do it, apps do it.
Even Samsung’s knock-off iPads do it.
Let’s do it, let’s click Reblog.
– Jerry Becker, 2015